This here isn’t for the open hearted..

I don’t know why but people always do this thing where they talk to me about stuff I do not care about.

That urge I get to write “no one gives a shit” on someone’s status.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

From the moment I first saw you I knew I wanted to spend to rest of my life avoiding you.

If I don’t answer my phone the first time you call.. calling 5 more times isn’t going to make me answer.

Of course I’m not nervous I’m hyperventilating for fun.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so that they can tell when they are really in trouble.

I don’t have adirty mind just a sexy imagination.

I am allergic to stupidity so I break out in sarcasm.

An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

I wonder if the girls on 16&pregnant will come back on with 32 and a grandma

Some peoples brains are like the bermuda triangle.. info goes in then never to be seen again.

I’ll never forget the 1st time ew met although I’ll keep trying.

I used to wonder what it was like to read peoples minds now that I’m on facebook I’m over it.

Deja Poo: the feeling you’ve heard this crap before

I’m not suppose to be normal I’m suppose to be me

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

If it looks like a dick and acts like a dick its probably my ex boyfriend

I’m sorry what languaage are you speaking? it sounds like bullshit

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