There’s always that one person..

Every day I get to wake up, roll on my side and kiss the love of my life..Good Morning.

When I hear a female say her throat really hurts I always have to fight the urge to say “yeah I bet your knees do too”

You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah I don’t have one of those.

These hoes walking around with the “I can fck your man” mentality, not realizing that mentality comes with “I’ll never be wifed” consequences.

If you have to sneak to do it, lie to cover it up or delete it to avoid it being seen then maybe you shouldn’t be doin it anyway.

I’m not saying she’s a slut, I’m saying it would be safer to lick the floors in a waffle house bathroom than her.

Your husband will always be your biggest and oldest child that requires the most adult supervision.

I didn’t think it was possible to respect you any less then I learned anything is possible.

Lord, please give me patience because if you give me strength I’ll also need a new identity and a one way ticket to a non-extraditing country.

Getting to watch an ex go through hell they created for themselves and knowing they’re even more miserable then they made you…priceless.

Yeah you’re pretty..from a distance..at night..under a rock.

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